


broken angel

by starrywrite



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 13:49:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: 'And you seem so strong sometimesBut I know that you still feel the sameAs that little girl who shined like an angelEven after his lazy heart put you through hell' - Broken Angel, Boyce Avenue





	broken angel

**Author's Note:**

> el (or anyone who Matters *cough cough no tea no shade*) doesn't die in this! so don't panic haha :')

everything happened so fast. 

it felt like el had just opened her eyes and found herself in a scene of insanity, almost unable to remember how she had gotten here or what had lead them to that moment. but when she looks around and takes in everything, all she wants is to close her eyes again and pretend she didn't see any of it. 

but she couldn't; there was no unseeing this chaos surrounding her, the chaos she was centered in. the chaos she had to someone stop. 

"wait!" el shrieks, startling herself, and instantly, everything freezes. all eyes are on her, chest heaving as she struggles to catch her breath. she's never felt fear like this before; she can feel it coursing throughout her whole body -- in her chest, tight with anxiety; in her hands, which won't stop shaking; in her eyes, as tears well up and threaten to fall. she glances from hopper, holding the gun pointed to papa's head, to papa, his eyes dark and empty, just as they always been. 

the man stands, unflinching, and he stares directly at el. "are you going to let them hurt your papa?" he asks, his voice as cold enough to make el shiver. 

"i let them hurt you?" she asks slowly, as if not understanding what he had said while at the same time trying to register that her voice was her own. she had never imagined saying anything like this to him, never thought of standing up for herself or defending herself against him. not once in her life did she think she could do it, until today when she refuses to stop herself from telling him exactly what's on her mind. "you.. you let them hurt me," she whispers. her voice shakes and it feels as though it isn't coming form her at all, but the words spill out before she can begin to think about what she's saying. "the bad men.. they hurt me and  _you let them_." she can't tell if she sounds angry or like she's about to start crying, but her voice all but breaks when she looks at him and says, "y -  _you_.. hurt me." 

papa doesn't say anything, nothing at all. he doesn't make an attempt to defend himself or convince her that she's wrong. and for some reason, his complete and utter silence breaks something in el. she can feel the crack in her chest where her heart should be and it hurts to even breathe right now. "you - you -" she stutters, her voice failing her as she struggles not to cry. she can feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. "you  _bastard_!" she finally shouts, utilizing a word she had picked up from mike, deciding that this was good enough context for it to be used. her voice cracks a little as she cries out and she hates herself for being so weak, for letting everyone know how weak she is. " _bastard_!" she shouts again and something breaks, or falls over, she isn't sure, but she can feel the calamity she's causing in the room filling the space where all was once unperturbed. " _i hate you_!" she screams at papa, wanting nothing more than to break him the way he had broken her, while at the same time just wanting him to hold her. something else collapses in the distance, another thing breaking as much as she is. 

she looks at the man standing before her, hair white as snow and eyes as lifeless as a corpse. she wonders, for a moment, what it would take to make him feel anything towards her -- anything at all. she wonders why she was never good enough for her papa. 

"you.. you never loved me," she chokes out and it's as if those are the magic words, because hopper pulls the trigger. she feels blood on her face immediately after and el drops to her knees, sobbing hard enough to drown out the sound of the bullet being fired. she feels arms around her, probably mike's, holding her as she cries, and he says something to her but she doesn't even acknowledge what's going on. a broken, "papa," falls from her lips with every harsh sob. she can't breathe, she can't stop shaking,she can't stop crying. he's gone and she doesn't feel as relieved as she thought she would -- as she knows she should. she just feels like she's in pieces and nothing will ever make her feel whole again.  

• • • 

with a gasp, el wakes up, her body shuddering. she lays on her back, practically panting as she struggles to catch her breath though she can't stop crying.  _just a dream,_  she tells herself.  _just a dream._  but it had felt so real; she touched her face because she could swear papa's blood was still splattered onto her skin. her hands are still shaking as she pokes at her cheeks, only feeling the tears that had fallen in her sleep.

"el?" mike's voice startles her and she flinches. the brunet is sitting on the floor by her bed, eyebrows knit together in concern. his comic book gets abandoned as he kneels to lean against her mattress, facing her. "are you okay?" 

el nods quickly. "okay," she whispers, though she feels anything but.  _just a dream,_  she repeats in her mind over and over again, almost like a mantra. it calms her, but only slightly. 

mike hesitates, biting his lip, then crawls into bed next to her. he sits back against the headboard and opens his arms, a silent invitation. el accepts; she moves towards him and allows mike's arms to wrap around her, holding her close. she puts her head on his chest and listens to the steady beating of his heart, eyes drifting shut like she's listening to her favorite song. "you're okay," he tells her, his voice soft and soothing. "i promise, you're okay. and i won't let anything or anyone hurt you ever again." and el feels like she could start crying again because she really, truly believes him. 

for years, she had never known was love was; what it was like to be loved and to love someone back. and now she does and it's the best feeling she had ever felt. nothing could compare. being in mike's arms makes her feel loved. and being loved makes her forget that she had even felt so broken before. 


End file.
